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Alan Carr
Alan Carr
He began his career as the warm-up act for Friday Night with Jonathan Ross and in a few short years has become a household name. Heââ¬â¢s won numer
"I do like bears, but not like the fat, hairy ones. I hate chickens, in their bloody crop-tops!"
Do you ever wonder how you got where you are today?
Yes, a lot of the time! The thing is, it’s gone by in a flash and when one thing falls into place, everything else just seems to follow. You do stand-up, then telly, then radio, and I’m doing a film later – but I don’t want to talk about that just yet. But my mum is so grounding. I’ll be like, “Mum, I’ve got interviews today, photo-shoots, I’ve got to go to this dinner…” and she’ll just be like, “Oh Alan, you should go back to Barclaycard – you were happier there!”
But your Tooth Fairy DVD was the biggest selling comedy debut DVD ever…
Oh I know! I keep getting sent discs. The thing is, nothing changes. I thought it would, but you don’t get thinner and you don’t get better looking. I’m not really into buying things either. I’ve got a Mini and people are like, “Oh, haven’t you got a sports car?” But that’s probably why I’m rich - I’m too tight!
Is fame everything you thought it would be?
Well I can’t do crowds anymore. And I hate being secretly filmed. I don’t mind people coming up and asking for a photo or whatever, but when they secretly film - it’s nothing to do with my image or copyright or anything like that, I just find it sinister and a bit creepy really.
Who do you consider your comedy inspirations?
Peter Sellers, Mel Brooks, Young Frankenstein, Airplane – anything spoof, really, anything that takes the Mick.
You’ve done stand-up for years, what’s the worst heckle you’ve ever had?
I was compering in Birmingham and did the usual, “What do you do?” and he was like, “I’m an ambulance man,” and so I say, “Oh, what’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen?” and he goes, “You!”
Your relationship with your football manager father has been strained in the past, how is it now?
Great. I mean, he’s a typical football-mad dad, that’s it. Even if I was the first man on the moon he still wouldn’t give a fuck, but if it was football he would. He’s very supportive; he just doesn’t come to my shows. We have a great relationship now.
Do you get hit on when you go to gay bars?
You know what, I don’t really know when I’m getting hit on. My friends afterwards can be like, “Oh, they were so into you!” but I’m just dead wary now. People come and ask you to meet their friends and you feel like you’re on show a bit, and the last thing I want to do on my day off is be the performing monkey, so that puts me off a bit. It’s a bit like, “You only want me for my comedy lines!”
What do you go for in a man?
I do like bears, but not like the fat, hairy ones. I hate chickens, in their bloody crop-tops… I do get a lot of twinks coming up to me - like 17, 18 - and some men would love it, but I’m a bit like, “I want to talk about more than Wizadora.” I was on the radio with Raef off The Apprentice yesterday, and I quite fancy him.
What are your big ambitions now?
Go to America (laughs). No, I have no ambitions to break America. I love it as a place but I don’t think they’d get me. I love their shows – Frasier, Will and Grace, but their stand-up’s a bit different. I only get stopped on the street in weird scenarios! (laughs) ‘Cause you know the most downloaded thing last year was that Lily Allen clip with her third nipple on the Friday Night Project? So of course dirty schoolboys are putting in “Lily Allen, nipple” and then there’s me!
Tell us about your autobiography, Look Who It Is!
It’s all done. It took me about six months to write - it was really boring! Just sitting in all day and I’ve got no attention span. You end up watching Flog It or something and you look up and it’s 6pm and you haven’t written a word. It’s out in October. It’s called Look Who It Is! But you know how most people buy most books in supermarkets now? They’ve got so much power these supermarkets, so you’ve got to be careful with any rude words. I originally wanted Touched By My Father and then I wanted Go On, Have A Fag because you know with this Allen Carr fella, I thought it would be dead funny to have Go On, Have A Fag next to his book on the shelf! And they were like, “No, no!” So we’ve gone for Look Who It Is! But I think that’s quite funny and quite me.
Alan Carr's autobiography Look Who It Is is released in October.
