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Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers
Joan Rivers has been in the business of making people laugh, cry, gasp, turn on, tune in and occassionally walk out for over 40 years. Pride Life spok
"I donââ¬â¢t like a man that looks like I bought him. I want to look like he bought me, like the oldest hooker in the room."
What is a typical audience at your shows?
I hope the people who come to see the show will be young and bright and smart, then we’ll have a good time. Gay men in the front, the front area is gay. Gay men are the best audience in the world and I don’t know if it’s because they always felt a bit of an outsider growing up but they’re much more in tune with the outrageousness of it all, the whole stupidity of it all. I’ll come on stage and they’ll know just what I’m talking about and they’ll absolutely react in the way I reacted. Then you’re home free.
Did you start in gay clubs?
Of course, who else would talk to me? I started in Greenwich Village gay clubs. They were the first ones that got me. I didn’t do the Continental Baths but I did every little gay club in the world.
When you do the red carpet events for the Oscars and Grammy’s, are the stars scared of you?
The smart ones aren’t and they’re usually the big stars. The stupid ones are not the big stars. Julia Roberts knows you’re going to have fun, Nicole Kidman knows you’re going to have fun, Sharon Stone knows you’re going to have fun - with all the big ones there’s no questions about it. Tom Hanks comes running over, Jim Carrey comes… So you get all the big ones and then after the show you’ll go, ‘Oh, that’s right, Annette Benning didn’t stop.’ She’s so dreary anyhow, who cares?
With all your bitching, do you worry about bad karma?!
Truthful is not rude. I don’t think anybody’s ever been hurt by anything said, truly, truly. Tell me something I’ve said that hurt somebody? When I was doing all the great Elizabeth Taylor jokes I called her up and said, ‘If anything I’m saying hurts you, I’ll stop.’ She said, ‘You don’t hurt me where I live.’ We’re very good friends. We did the first AIDS benefit together in LA so she’s fine.
Would you take anything out of an act if it hurt someone?
I’m not out to destroy anyone. Willy Nelson called up once - I used to say he wears a roach motel round his neck, he’s so dirty - he called up and said, ‘They’re teasing my daughter at school.’ Straight away it’s out of the act. Why hurt a little girl? I have enough other jokes and enough other people to take it out of the act.
Do you feel like celebrities deserve a dressing down?
I don’t do it for deserve. My act is an extension of being your friend and getting on the phone with you and saying, ‘Did you see so-and-so? Can you imagine?’ It’s really all about talking and that’s why when I started in the Village with gay men, it was really just an extension of sitting at a table and talking to friends, bitching. That’s truly where it started.
What about presidents and politicians, do you feel able to target them as well as film stars?
Of course but after the eleventh we kind of like them. The girls are still drunks! 9/11 didn’t sober those two chickens up! And Chelsea Clinton was ugly in the White House and ugly out of the White House. You just say what you think, that’s what my job is, and make people laugh.
Is England a special place for you?
I love London, I love England, but you always love places that you don’t really know but you’re having a good time in. I come over, see friends, sell jewellery on QVC.
How did you get into designing jewellery?
Just by sitting down saying, ‘I would like to do something in topaz pretty’ and then some fool makes it for you and it’s great! It’s so much fun! I think I’ll do a square bangle, then you do it and it’s great. I only wear my own stuff ‘cause why would I design something I didn’t like? I’m not going to sit down and say, ‘Let’s design something ugly. Let’s make a really ugly earring!’
What’s made you richer - jewellery or comedy?
The only money I’ve ever made in my life is the jewellery, I’ve never earned anything in show business. I’ve lived very well in show business - you get a lot of money in and a lot of money goes out. I’m not looking for charity but in show business makes me laugh. You pay for your agent, you pay for your manager, you pay for your assistant, you pay for your PR person, you pay for your hair, you pay for your transportation, you pay for your rooms, you pay for the party, you pick up the cheque. It’s great, don’t misunderstand me, and I’m thrilled I will be in an Armani outfit designed for me when I’m working at the Haymarket Royal Theatre. But the money that’s enabled me to live has come, funnily enough, from the business side of things.
You’ve been married twice, what attracts you to a man?
Humour, humour, humour, humour. A tremendous amount of energy, attractive and a but of money. I’ve done my subway days.
Any particular age group?
Sixty to seventy. No toy boys for me. I don’t like a man that looks like I bought him. I want to look like he bought me, like the oldest hooker in the room. Isn’t she fabulous? She’s the oldest hooker ever! There’s woman in New York they call Snow White, she eats every night in the Pierre Hotel dining room and she was somebody’s mistress and given from man to man to man. She’s now in her eighties and she’ll come in one night and one night she’ll wear rubies and the next she’ll wear emeralds with this white, white skin. You know there’s a life there that never saw daylight. She’s still out there but she’s grand now. She doesn’t need me though, I’m not a rich old Arab.
Does the world understand Joan Rivers or is it just the UK and New York?
The world, unfortunately, is a village now. You don’t go to Holland and there are Dutch shoes so America is all the same. When I started out in the late sixties the south wouldn’t get you. People would say, ‘You don’t want to play the Bible belt!’ Now it’s all the same which is sad. The global village bores the hell out of me.
